I have a new favorite student.

And I am his new favorite teacher, apparently. You know how I can tell? Because today he said:

"You are a dumb woman and a drunk."

I know what you're thinking.  How could this kid have known?!?

For the purposes of this blog let's call the student "Austin", because I'm pretty sure he has Autism or Aspergers. Actually, I don't know what special needs Austin has because his teacher didn't leave behind any specific instructions about him. I didn't expect a medical diagnosis or anything, but a, "Dear Ms. Nelson- Austin likes to punch the computer screen," would have been nice.

Today was high school Computer Design and Webmastering- two subjects I felt pretty secure in teaching because of that little graphic design degree I got a few years back. Too bad the Webmastering class was working on Flash^® the whole time- the ONE Adobe^® product I am not familiar with... and when I say not familiar, I mean NEVER TOUCHED. Stupid animation.

Thankfully Austin was in the last Computer Design class of the day, and they only had a test over Photoshop^® and then a Wordle^® to create. I could handle that. Or so I thought.

The red flag went up in my head about Austin during his second loudly-obnoxious belch to mark the beginning of the period. The thing is, another student was being even more disruptive, so I focused on him. Once I had the class's attention, a female student quietly explained that the disruptive student had special needs. Funny... that student was an angel for the rest of the class. Meanwhile, Austin is the one picking his nose while asking me a question, only to turn back around and use his mouse.

"Note to self:  DO NOT use Austin's computer today."

Well, too late, because guess what? Austin is now having trouble printing. None of his classmates are able to help him, so it's Ms. Nelson to the rescue. Where the hell is the hand sanitizer when you need it?!?

I tried all the tricks in the book, but I couldn't get Austin's computer to print. No one else was having problems- I had a few other students print from their computers to test- so I deemed the issue with the computer and not the printer. In the meantime, Austin is getting more and more agitated. He is pacing between the computer and the printer, hitting both, and calling them (yes, the inanimate objects) names. My favorite was when he said:

"This printer smokes marijuana!"

Touché.

Finally I come to the conclusion that I will just have to leave his teacher a note. Austin did his work, and he did it correctly, but he just wasn't able to get it to print. (By the way, if this kid wants to be a graphic designer he will find this a running theme in his professional life.)

After the pot-smoking printer fiasco was all settled, I told Austin to please work on something else while I graded their tests- just no music, no videos, no games, and no e-mail. The kids know this. Plus, most sites that could do a lot of harm are blocked anyway.

We all know where this is going. I had to tell Austin to close out of game sites about... oh, I don't know... 750 times over the course of the next half-hour. Each time I would explain that "no games" is a rule, and each time he would respond with:

"I hate rules.  I'm gonna make up my own rules!"

or:

"I've got a rule for you.  It's... It's... yeah."

or my favorite:

"Rules are stupid and your mom is a rule."

Eventually I got the tests graded and let the students come up one at a time to see their scores. Austin failed, but had I been grading on a curve he would've been sitting pretty on top of that bell. Still, try explaining that to a kid with Autism. Or Aspergers. Or Ihatemsnelson disease. Instead of an understanding nod in response from Austin, I got this:

"YOU ONLY GIVE ME BAD GRADES BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M GAY!"

And then he kicked my desk for good measure.

I don't think you're gay, Austin.  I think you are my new favorite student.