There's a Snake loose at HQ.

I've been listening to Sportsradio 1310 The Ticket (1310am/104.1fm) ever since a friend of mine - an older, male friend - introduced me to the station in 1998 while I was home on Summer break. When I headed back to school I was devastated to find that Jub-Jub and Rhynes broke up right before Hillsboro... but I continued listening after graduation and have been a P1 ever since.

Skip to about a month ago. I get not one, not two, but THREE phone calls from different people telling me that Corby "Snake" Davidson will be speaking to the Junior League of Dallas. Oh yeah, and also, The Hardline stated on-air that there are no attractive women in the League. Thanks.

Well, Corby's big night was tonight at JLD HQ in front of a packed room of 200+. The Insight labeled this October Group Meeting as 'Football 101 with Corby Davidson.'

It was more. Much, much more.

I have to admit that no matter how many times I see the Ticket guys on location, I get a little stupid. I mean, like they're celebrities or something. And I guess in their own right they are. So as I see Corby walking to the podium I mutter, "Snake." Surprisingly enough, he answers back, "Hi," as friendly as a little snake could.

Then the fun begins. I cringe as Corby is introduced. I'm not sure if it's because this woman has never listened to The Hardline or if she was just given bad info, but she mentions Corby's exclusive interviews with Charles Barkley. Umm... that would be Shaq. Wow.

Anyway, Corby gets on the mic (and props to him for putting up with the ridiculous JLD sound system all night) and jumps right in. Literally. I'm pretty sure he cut his introduction short to start talking. All I know is the next thing I hear is this:

Snake: "I may have to excuse myself to the restroom..."
JLD: "Well, we don't really have a Men's restroom. It's a family one."
Snake: "So you have a unisex bathroom? What is this, a club?"
[Pause]
Snake: "You wanna go drop some X in the unisex bathroom?"

I sh*t you not. To the Junior League of Dallas.

Oh, and see how I censored myself there? Well, Corby didn't. I mean, he did... he talked to us like he talks on the air. So, no F-bombs, but a scattering of A-word and B-word shrapnel. It's not his fault... nobody was there to dump him.

Still, I have NEVER had so much fun at a Group Meeting. You have to understand, most Group Meetings are about how to cook a perfect soufflé or when to potty-train your child. I like hamburgers and have two cats. But you know what? I love me some Ticket, and I love me some football. So thanks, JLD, for booking Corby.

And thanks Corby, for entertaining the League.

Breaking the Silence

Pink.

Once upon a time pink was mostly associated with sugar and spice and everything nice. Today, thanks to a myriad of activists and volunteers, (specifically Nancy Brinker) the color pink is forever linked to finding a cure for breast cancer.

Teal.

Anyone? Not even a few of you? I'd like to change that.

Three years ago my aunt wasn't feeling quite right. She was bloated and had some mild abdominal discomfort, so she (like everyone should) went to the doctor. What the doctors eventually found was a tumor the size of a small loaf of bread inside her abdomen. My aunt had ovarian cancer, and after a complete hysterectomy, rounds of chemotherapy/radiation and even a short remission, my aunt lost her battle in the Summer of 2006. She was 61.

When my aunt passed away a friend of mine made a donation to the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition (NOCC) on my behalf. Because of this, twice a year I receive the NOCC newsletter. Yesterday I got the Fall/Winter 2008 issue. Yesterday would have been my Aunt Lydia's 64th birthday.

It is my hope that every person who reads this blog will take the time to educate themselves and a loved one about ovarian cancer. Please read below, and PLEASE... break the silence.

Facts
• All women are at risk
• Symptoms exist—they can be vague, but increase over time
• Early detection increases survival rate
• A Pap Test DOES NOT detect ovarian cancer

What are some of the risk factors linked to ovarian cancer?
While the presence of one or more risk factors may increase a woman’s chance of getting ovarian cancer, it does not necessarily mean that she will develop the disease. Risk factors include:
• Genetic predisposition
• Personal or family history of breast, ovarian or colon cancer
• Increasing age
• Undesired infertility

What are some of the symptoms of ovarian cancer?
Some symptoms of ovarian cancer include:
• Pelvic or abdominal pain or discomfort
• Vague but persistent gastrointestinal upsets such as gas, nausea and indigestion
• Frequency and/or urgency of urination in the absence of an infection
• Unexplained weight gain or weight loss
• Pelvic and/or abdominal swelling, bloating and/or feeling of fullness
• Ongoing unusual fatigue
• Unexplained changes in bowel habits
If symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks, consult your physician.

For more information on ovarian cancer or the NOCC, please visit http://www.ovarian.org/.

The "Coffee Series"

I don't believe in coincidence. I really don't. I believe that things happen just the way they do because of God's greater plan for our lives.
For example...
Last night I stayed up way too late working (ok, working + playing) on my computer. I got to bed around 3am and set the alarm for 6am for church. At 7:04am I woke to my obese cat's cries for food. I check the alarm and somehow it was set for 7. 7pm, that is. Yeah, I have no idea. What I do know is that out of the blue about a month ago my cat started begging for food every morning at 7. A month ago I had no way of knowing my cat's annoying habit would save me from falling back on my responsibilities as a choir member and Sunday School teacher, plus give me another needed opportunity to worship and hear God's Word. I didn't know, but Jesus did.

Thank God for Razzle and her appetite because I would have missed a scripture reading put in place by the Holy Spirit that spoke directly to my heart. The reader might as well have started with, "Carolyn, pay attention. This one is for you and your current struggles with sin."

Hebrews 13:1-6
Concluding Exhortations
1Keep on loving each other as brothers. 2Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. 3Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.
4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 6So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Paul continues:
7Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. 8Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Hebrews 13:8 is the focus verse for our current sermon series, "Changing Lives in a Changing World," or as our pun-loving music director calls it, "The Coffee Series." (Get it? Hebrews?) It was so good to be reminded that while I may sin and repent and sin again, Christ is there loving me the same... yesterday, today and forever.

Lovers Less Wild

I confess that I, specifically and especially lately, have been wooed by "lovers less wild than Jesus, the great lover of our souls." Please take the time to listen to the following introduction and song. Thanks.





*caution, strong language

Elementaryisms

I think we all know Carolyn isn't cut out to be an elementary school teacher. Vomit/snot/crying just really isn't my thing (unless it's proceeded by a night of heavy drinking.) But just because I don't plan a life career at the PK-5 level doesn't mean I'm not learning anything. Please for you to enjoy some elementaryisms...

• bubbles and angel wings - for the hall - students puff up their cheeks like they have a bubble inside their mouths and walk with their hands behind their backs, elbows out, making "angel wings."

• 1,2,3 is enough for me - for the water fountain - when this phrase is completed by the teacher, the student drinking knows it's time to move on.

• take a seat - for assemblies - when asked to sit down at an assembly, the students chant and clap, "Take a seat! X Take a seat! X Take a load off your feet! XX," then sit on their pockets.

• on your pockets - for sitting - a more PC way to say sit "on your bottom" or "Indian-style."

and my favorite so far:
• ask 3 before me - for the classroom - if a student has a question, s/he is expected to ask 3 classmates to help before asking the teacher.

So, all my teacher friends... do you have a favorite ism you would like to share?

Quotes of the Day, version II

3rd grade student: Ms. Nelson, you look like a teenager.
Me: Thank you! You are my new favorite student! But I assure you, I am not a teenager. Does anyone want to guess how old I am?
Another 3rd grade student: 42?
-------------------------
Me: I'm sure you have heard the word "Senator" before, such as, "Senator John McCain and Senator Barack Obama?"
3rd grade student: I know who John McCain is. He's the man who shot President Lincoln.
Me: No, honey, I'm afraid that was John Wilkes Booth.
3rd grade student: Oh, well they're both "Johns!"
-------------------------
SPED teacher: If this student tries to hug you, don't let him. He will bite you.

You best respect.

That's right. I had crosswalk duty today. You jealous? And that's no plastic sign, either. That is straight-out metal... so don't get too close to my kids on their Huffies or I'll scratch your pretty little SUV.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you ever get the chance to sub for an elementary school P.E. teacher, DO IT. Promise me you will. I had a ridiculous amount of fun today, and I get to do it all over again tomorrow. The best part? Wearing a t-shirt and soccer shorts to my JOB.

P.E. these days is different and yet oddly similar to when I was in elementary school. All the equipment is so colorful and new. You want to play volleyball? No problem, but let's use a GIANT BEACH BALL so your forearms don't sting red for the rest of the day.

Yes, the gym still smells. And yes, they still use the parachute. I.HEART.THE.PARACHUTE!

When I was in school we got stuck listening to "Oldies" while we ran our laps. Remember "Rockin' Robin"? Kill me. The assistant today said that last week they listened to Jack Johnson. Today it was Michael Jackson.

"The kids just love Michael." Yeah... too bad he loves them back.

Hug count today: 8. I would have had more, but I cut this one kid off at 3.

Not to pull a Perez, but...

Yeah.

I love SNL. Anyone who knows me knows this. My parents used to let me stay up until the band. If I was lucky enough this meant I got to see "The Church Lady" before I went to bed. Throughout the years people have continued to rag on SNL, and I continue to find it hilarious. Sure, some seasons are better than others, some shows are better, some hosts. But almost every week there is something on SNL that makes me laugh, and I can't really say any other show has had that effect on me for 20 years running.

Space Olympics.

Quotes of the Day

"Ms. Nelson, do you know anything?"
-------------------------------
[tripping over my words]

"Ms. Nelson, are you nervous?"

"No honey, I'm just hungry."

"You must be really hungry."
-------------------------------
Yeah, thanks third grade.

Europe is calling.

My bank is right next to a Starbucks. (What isn't right next to a Starbucks?) Almost every time I deposit a check I will stop in and pick up a venti coffee frappuccino light. I did today, and as I was leaving, it hit me. I'm almost certain it was a smell... probably the mix of coffee, humidity, and diesel fumes... but whatever it was, for that one second, it was Europe. I was so disappointed to realize it was only Richardson.

You see, I'm ruined. Like a fellow former missionary said to me a few weeks ago, "Central Europe has ruined me." It has. I have to go back.

I have to go back.

I made a promise to myself and my former students that I would be back in 2009. Believe it or not, but next summer the kids I first taught English to in FIFTH GRADE are graduating from high school. It has really been that long.

And what a better time to travel? Let's see... the Dollar is tanking verses the Euro, oil prices are sky-high, and I am virtually unemployed. Awesome.

But you see, it's really not my choice.

I have to go back. I know there is someone out there who understands.

I may/may not be smarter than a 6th grader.

Around 8:30 this morning I got a call to sub. I answer and go through the automated hassle to hear which school/teacher/subject. "6th grade. Math."

Math. I thought about pressing "2" to decline, but then I remembered that I have to pay rent next month.

Here's the thing about math. Other than chemistry, math is my worst subject. And let's face it- chemistry is just math wearing a science costume. Do you know what my last math class was? Pre-cal, taught by my mother, 13 years ago. That's right, I haven't had a math class since my junior year of high school. So really, it could have been 1st grade math and I probably would have freaked out a little.

I am not kidding that before I called the school to tell them I was on my way, I called my mother to make sure I could do this. She assured me I could, and she was right. It was fine...

Sure, I forgot that parallel lines encasing a number means absolute value. But guess what, kids? It's a quiz. "It's not that I don't know the answer, it's just that I can't help you." Genius.

You know what else is genius? Middle school kids. Seriously, these kids kill me. They're old enough that they don't need their hands held, but young enough not to have serious attitude. At least not the kids I had today. Case in point- roll call.

Roll call is great. I took time to go down the list to make sure I could pronounce all the names and get any nicknames from the seating chart ahead of time. Still, there are always one or two kids who want to be called something different than their given name, so I just ask they tell me. C.J.? Got it. Nick? Got it. Domino? Fine.

Everything was going great until this kid said "Ty" and everyone started to snicker. His name was "Tyson" so I didn't think anything of it... I said, "If Tyson wants to go by Ty today that is fine. He could go by Superman if he wanted."

(I know all you teachers are cringing...)

Next kid I call on is Steven. Nope, he wants to be called "Superman." Next kid? "The Dark Prince of Awesome." I. kid. you. not. Yes, this kid happened to be African American, and yes, I called him "The Dark Prince of Awesome" the entire period just to teach myself a lesson.

I'm pretty sure middle school is where I belong.

I live and I breathe for an audience of one.

Usually when I train I leave the iPod at home. It's suggested I should because during the 3-Day I won't be able to use one. Plus, my longer training walks take me all over Addison... and I would rather hear the DART bus before it runs me over.

Anyway, today I did a shorter walk (I know, I know, today was supposed to be 14 miles) so I stayed in the park and brought my tunes. And Sara Groves spoke to me.

This Journey is My Own - Sara Groves
When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone.
This journey is my own.
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval.
This journey is my own.
Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price?
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life?
So much of what I do is to make a good impression.
This journey is my own.
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better.
But this journey is my own.
And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price?
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life?
And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now.
This journey is my own.
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down.
It was breaking me down...
And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one.
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one.
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one.
Cuz I know this journey is my own.
And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price?
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life?
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain.
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say...
‘Well done.’
Oh, this journey is my own.

Let me know if you want to know more about my Lord.

We're walking, we're walking, we're walking... we're not stopping.

In November I will walk 60 miles over 3 days (and sleep in tents along the way) in the Breast Cancer 3-Day. I've been training since July and have logged over 70 miles plus cross-training. As of this post I have raised $1080... only $1120 to go. To track my progress, please visit my 3-Day personal page here. Do donate, please click here or DONATE TO MY 3-DAY FUND under the check these out links on the right of this page. Thank you... because everyone deserves a lifetime.

It's a start.

I've had a stomach bug for the last day or so, so I haven't felt like doing much of anything... much less bust out the odorless (full of odor) mineral spirits. Yet earlier I opened the windows and Phthalo Blue and a sketch and underpainting happened.

Karl Umlauf once told me, "I wish you painted more like you draw," and then proceeded to give me a B.

Thanks, Karl, I'm still working on that.

The story of my life... but not for long.

About a year ago I decided I would paint something for my Kittens. No, not my cats, my friends Amy and Becca. We call each other "Kitten." It's a long story... and for another post.

Anyway, Kitten A's birthday is in August. That came and went. Kitten B's birthday is in November. Gone. So I thought, "Christmas." Not so much. I mean, really, I don't think I even bought the canvas until January.

Since then these blank canvases have been staring back at me. Some days I pretend they aren't there. Who am I kidding? Most days I pretend they're not there. But I never forget. And I feel bad. Really, really bad. Not because I've promised my Kittens a painting- they don't even know I was planning on painting one. No, I feel bad because I know I have the talent to do it... and I don't.

I should back up and explain that there was a time in college when I LOVED to paint. Like, a therapeutic, longing, grasping, creative-energy-slash-compulsive need to paint. I didn't paint enough because, let's face it, I had other studios. But man did I love it.

Skip to a year and a half ago when I took on a portrait... of a friend's father who died when he was young. From a small military photo. A surprise gift from his wife for his 30th birthday. No pressure, right? I mean, so what that I haven't picked up a brush since college? And, yeah, I'll use acrylic instead of oil. Wise choices, all.

There were days that I sat on my porch and cried over the frustration of that portrait. I literally pulled my hair out trying to make it as perfect as possible. And since perfect doesn't exist, I aimed for resemblance. I still can't stand to see the painting and picture side-by-side, because I just can't see the resemblance. But people tell me it's there.

Fast forward to today when I read Erin's post. She might as well have been reading my mind. Hell, she is my big sister.

So tonight I will throw out all the excuses and do what I do. Because I'm an artist. There, I said it, happy?

Thanks, E.

Insert catchy cliché blog title here.

Gustav has been teasing us North Texans with rain for a few days now. Rain already. Nobody likes a tease.

Well, yes, it's true. I bit the bullet and began a blog. And it seems my natural alliterative skills are ridiculous.

See, here I am this morning around 6am and I c a n n o t sleep. It happens from time to time- I have all these thoughts and ideas and memories flooding my brain and it will not just shut up so I can shut down. But that's almost always at night, and that's what melatonin is for. This morning... man... this morning I just could not sleep. Not even with two glasses of peach tea. (Caffeine?)

Right, so I decided, "Fine" and made my way to the computer and iTunes. And then of course to Blogger and the excitement (beating) of setting this thing up. But I have, and here 'tis.

I have no grand notions. I guess I just need yet another outlet. Because myspace, facebook, gchat, jld, training, and alcohol aren't enough?

I always thought that one day I would have a blog. You know, that day when I am happily married with 2.5 children and a dog? Picket fence? SUV? Suburbia? Funny... I have none of those things. What I do have is a few stories and ample memories for anyone who will listen, even if that only leaves me.

So here's to you, Blogger. A friend of mine plays on another site and he seems to be having fun. We shall see.