I don't want to do this anymore.

Rant:

I don't want to do this anymore. And I don't have to. It's not my job. My graduate advisor can't "fire" me. I don't have to write the 10 page prospectus about the 30 page final project I will complete yet don't have to complete. I will not lose my job if I don't finish my master's degree. I will certainly not lose my life. And you have to know if I quit I will gain time and money, two things that are very precious to me that I presently severely lack.

I want to quit. Surely 36 hours toward a master's degree on a résumé is just as good as a master's degree. Or–highly more likely–it will be seen by future employers as a clue someone doesn't finish what she's started. Plus, whether I finish or not, I've still got these things called student loans...

But what about the raise I will get? Oh, you mean the $900 more a year? Yes, that's definitely worth the constant anxiety that I won't finish my prospectus for yet another semester and will have to fork out another $1000 and push my graduation date back. Again. Or the inability to really enjoy my summer because I feel I should constantly be working on my prospectus. Or the fear of the fall semester because I know I will once again be balancing work and school along with everything else in my life.

I started this degree because I wanted to show future employers I was serious about my career change into education. Now with 36 graduate hours in education and 3 years teaching under my belt I feel confident my principal understands I'm here to stay. Yet here I am, slowly trying to complete this thing. It's taking a lot longer than I expected.

I know I have to finish. I've put all together too much time and effort and money into this to quit without a degree. I get it. I just don't have to enjoy it right now.

Update: I completed my prospectus and it was approved by all committee members. The final step is one last (huge) project and I graduate!

Skripper

I learned a new word last week.

The #1 reason to remove all receipts before bringing bags to school for the students' clay project:

Before you ask, yes, a student found it. I threw the entire staff under the bus and said all the teachers had donated bags. Then I reminded the students that most of the staff are married... and they are being responsible adults by protecting themselves.

Child-driven Education

Teachers: Take 18 minutes out of your conference period and watch this. Don't argue with me, just do it.

Child Nutrition

According to this picture, we are feeding our children what, exactly?

Could have probably added a little orange to that yellow...

Art can save the world.

Our one-sided education with the emphasis on knowledge has neglected those attributes of growth which are responsible for the development of the individual's sensibilities, for his spiritual life, as well as for his ability to live cooperatively in a society. The growing number of emotional and mental illnesses in this nation, the largest in any nation, as well as our inability to accept human beings first of all as human beings regardless of nationality, religion, race, creed or color, is a frightening sign and vividly points out that education so far has failed in one of its significant aims.... Art Education, introduced in the early years of childhood may well mean the difference between a flexible creative human being and one who, in spite of all learning, will not be able to apply it and will remain an individual who lacks inner resources and has difficulty in his relationship to the environment.
-Viktor Lowenfeld, 1957

No, not that one!

I cannot begin to explain to you the amount of paint my students waste. No, this is not one of my students- I teach middle and high school- but it might as well be. I think the older students waste MORE than the little ones. Maybe it's because they have access to so many supplies. Next year I am considering locking up everything except for Blickrylic (read: cheapcrylic) red, blue, and yellow paint and one paintbrush. ONE.

Case in point- this morning. The students have been printmaking for the past two weeks, and now they are turning their prints into an abstract collage. One of the requirements is they draw or paint into their prints. I was hoping for this:

I am getting more like this:Even though the work is similar, this work is not one of my students'. It's work from a KINDERGARTNER.

Anyway, some students are incorporating handprints into the collage. Fine. This morning one student asked me where she could find the paint. Too lazy to get up and unlock the Blickrylic (why do I have that locked?) I told her to just use the smaller tubes of paint found in cabinets 7 and 8.

I should stop here and state that I was using the term "smaller tubes" as compared to the large bottles of Blickrylic. She misunderstood.

A few moments later I look over and she is squirting half a tube of watercolor onto her hands. Half a tube! I yell out, "NO! Not that one!" but it's too late. It's already all over her hands. She stamps them on her page and then proceeds to rinse the rest down the drain. I am not exaggerating when I say that the amount of paint she rinsed off could have been used on 25 paintings. At least.

But not all is lost. After I showed her the correct paint to use, she was more conservative. She squirted the paint onto her paintbrush from the tube instead of directly on her work like half of her classmates.

These are the same students who are furious when someone doesn't recycle.

Can we please try to conserve? I am still using the oils I purchased and used through college... over 10 years ago!!!

Dear art student who thinks your work is perfect,

Your poop does, in fact, stink.
Love,
Ms. Nelson

Give up the Funk

My boyfriend's last name is "Funk." My kids know this, so every time he comes up in conversation (which would be every second of the day if they got their way) someone starts singing this. I may make it my theme song.

Sharing a classroom

Every day at lunch I travel from the high school (my sweet, dear high school with my very own room) to the middle school where I share a room with the health teacher. Coach Frank is a great guy and he always leaves the room clean. I try my best to return the favor, but come on... I'm the art teacher.

Anyway, today I enter the room to find new posters on the wall. Posters made by the students. Posters all about... STDs.

Without further ado, please enjoy these slogans which I am sure every middle school student has memorized and will be repeating from now into eternity.

"Watch what you do or an STD will come for you!"

"Instead of of taking a chance, just keep it in yo pants!"

"Herpes does NOT match my outfit."

"If you give away your gift... you might risk syphilis."

"Gonorrhea is way worse than diarrhea."

And my favorite: "STD's will ruin your life, especially if you infect your wife."

Open the door to the house on that poster and you will find this:

Yeah, my kids didn't learn a thing about art today.

TBSI

Part of being a teacher includes training. Lots and lots of training. But every once and awhile a graphic designer slips in a stock photo that makes the training much more enjoyable.

Please for you to enjoy a typical Texas student:

Value

As an assignment on Friday I had my high school Art I students draw the dreaded piece of crumpled paper. We are focusing on drawing realistically and I am really pushing value- otherwise known as the value scale or shading. None of the kids really liked the assignment, but they understood the point... I think. Anyway, half-way through I hear, "Ms. Nelson, now does my drawing have enough value?" and he holds this up:


Smart alec. No, seriously. This kid's name is Alec.

Dear Middle School Parents

Dear Middle School Parents,
You may not know this, but I used to be a sub. So when your kid acts up for my sub, your kid is getting detention. There's really not much more to it. How do I know it was your kid and not someone else's? Well, THE SUB TOLD ME.
Let me give you a little insight into the world of a substitute teacher. Subs don't have time to breathe. So the fact that my sub took the time to learn your child's name AND leave me a note about his behavior while still completing a PowerPoint over the Renaissance and Two-Point Perspective tells me your kid acted up. Plus, I could have assigned detention before I even hired the sub and I still would have been spot on with her "bad" list.
She didn't name the wrong kid. I'll see yours after school on Tuesday.
Love,
Ms. Nelson

Why I teach:

Coolest shirt ever?

Thanks to the nation of Japan and my student Eli for making our day.

Sharing Supplies

"Stop using my water! Spit on your brush if you have to!"

Again, kill me.

High school Art I kid:

"No, he's old! He's like... 39!"

and

"My mom's only two years older than you."

Quotes from High School Art

"Who's Paul McCartney?"

(Kill me.)

Quotes from Middle School Art

After I praised a kid's drawing:

"I am the Donald Trump of art!"

After I explained that one of the forms in a kid's drawing looks as if it's floating above the table:

"My art defies the laws of physics!"

Harry Wong can shut up.

Let me tell you what. Teaching is hard.

It's not that I don't understand it, or how to do it. It's just that it takes a ridiculous amount of effort to do it RIGHT. Harry Wong can shut up. I can "make my students do all the work" 'til the cows come home, but at the end of the school day there is still work to be done. Heck, at the end of the NIGHT there is still work to be done. The kids can't set up online gradebooks, sit through professional development meetings, and view IED's, Harry.

My poor friends. They care about me. They really do. And I feel bad. Because after coming down with the flu two weeks before school started (wish I was kidding), and then coming down with a bad case of inservice, I have dropped off the planet. For a girl who used to update this blog all the time, you'd think I was dead. I'm not. I'm just a teacher now.

If you think I am exaggerating, let me give you an idea of my daily schedule.

6am - alarm goes off
snooze
snooze
snooze
7am - get out of bed
7:15 - pull my hair back into the same ponytail I had it in yesterday
7:30 - find clothes that Downy Wrinkle Release can fix
7:35 - change shoes because there is no way I can wear heels all day
7:40 - run out the door, late
7:55 - grab coffee and lunch at 7-eleven
8:05 - unlock my classroom, dump everything
8:15 - meet with my mentor teacher
8:30 - check my mailbox, try not to jam the copier so all the other teachers hate me
8:40 - turn on my computer and check my work email. find at least 7 things I must accomplish before day's end
8:45 - 2 periods of HS art classes. as in teaching. as in demonstrations and classroom management. as in no time to even drink that coffee I bought at 7-Eleven
noon - clean up, set up for the next day, potty, grab my lunch and go
12:15 - drive to the middle school
12:25 - check my mailbox, try not to jam the copier so all the other teachers hate me
12:35 - eat lunch by myself in the teacher's lounge because my schedule is different than everyone else's
1:00 - unlock my classroom, dump everything, set up for class
1:15 - turn on my computer and check my work email. find at least 7 more things I must accomplish before day's end
1:23 - 3 periods of MS art classes. as in teaching. as in demonstrations and classroom management. as in no time to even sit down without a kid stabbing another.
3:55 - clean up
4:15 - meet with the other MS art teacher, because this is probably the first time I will have seen her for the day
4:30 (if I'm lucky) - go home

Where's my conference/planning period, you ask? Well, that is supposed to be between noon and 1:23. You know, that time when I am cleaning up my high school room, driving to the middle school, eating lunch, and setting up my middle school room (that is shared with Health.) I hope no parent wants to meet with me during the day unless they're cool seeing me choke down my Subway.

Now, as to not completely bore you, I won't go into all the work I do at home to prepare for the next day. This first week it was mostly just viewing and printing off paperwork until 10pm. I seriously have a 2 inch binder CRAMMED FULL of paperwork. If you think I'm ever going to fail a SPED kid, you're crazy.

Now for week two.