I'm blowing up my TV.

It all started with a statement from my boyfriend. "I just wonder what would happen if you blew up your TV."

We were talking today and he mentioned (like he has a few times before) it concerns him I don't seem to have a hobby. Sure, I paint, but I am always doing that either for a class or because I've been commissioned. I don't work on my own art. I like to read but I never do except for my Bible a little before bed. I scrapbook but my supplies have been in the closet for years. I like to sing but I'm not in a choir anymore. I actually would like to get my apartment organized and get in shape but I can't seem to find the time.

Well, God dropped plenty of time into my lap this week (4 snow days to be exact) and do you know what I did with them? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I sat on my couch and watched TV. Not what was on the TiVo... no, I got through that in half a day. I watched LIVE TV. The kind where you can't fast forward through the commercials. I never do that. But given 4 days inside that is exactly what I did.

Here are the things I needed to do: Take down Christmas decorations, clean apartment, wash laundry, wash dishes, finish a painting, start another painting, write lesson plans, and research topics for my Master's paper.

I took down my tree and washed some clothes and dishes. Oh, and I baked a cake.

So today when Aaron made his comment I could not be more on board. I'm starting tonight. I don't care that it's the Super Bowl and that it's in town. The Cowboys aren't playing and the best commercials are always online the next day anyway. My TiVo will catch Glee. I have work to do.

NYC

Hail to thee Bell High School, we love thee

I spent most winter Friday nights playing soccer on that field. That hard, concrete, plastic turf field...

Awful. Just awful.

She looks so happy, doesn't she?

I just watched about four minutes of TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras" and I can't decide if I am sad, angry, or disgusted. Or appalled.

I thought for a second it might be alright when I heard a mother say something like, "To me it's not all about the money and the gowns- as long as [insert toddler's name here] is having fun." Cut to the next shot when her daughter is whining and crying on stage and she says to her afterward, "No, you did NOT do good up there! You will not get ANY prizes for acting like that!"

That poor little girl. She's being judged on beauty, swimsuit, and outfit choice at the age of TWO! And at this particular contest there were babies entered as small as 8 mos. At 8 mos. all babies can do is crap themselves.

But that's not the worst of it in my eyes. Some pageants require "Glitz Photography" where the picture of the child is airbrushed, turning them into creepy living dolls. This not just touch-ups (removing shine or a mole), this is completely changing the facial structure of your child! "No, honey, you're not pretty enough the way God made you. We need to Glitz you up."

Please tell me when THIS became acceptable.

I'm scared.

What's in a name?

I never really understood why parents name their kids "John" if their last name is "Johnson," or "Tom" with "Thompson," and so on. But after watching the Opening Ceremonies last night, I see we're not the only country that does it.

I bet this is just how James Cameron imagined it.

By the way, AMC, your free passes don't make up for the fact that 15 minutes was tacked onto this already outrageously long movie while you changed bulbs.

I highly recommend

The Death Star on Thanksgiving and Photoshop Photo Merge.

Dear SNL,

I just finished watching Saturday's episode.
EPIC FAIL.
Not even Jon Bovi could save this one.
Love, Carolyn

P.S. Black Eyed Peas three times? Really?

Coolest shirt ever?

Thanks to the nation of Japan and my student Eli for making our day.

My pledge sister is on TV.

And thankfully it's not a reality show.


Lauren Przybyl is the new co-anchor of Fox4 Dallas' Good Day, replacing Megan Henderson. Stop crying, gentlemen.

Przybyl. Oh, it takes me back.

"Nelson, Nelson, Pelly, Perkins, Perry, Phillips, Presley, Price, Prince, Pruitt, Prysbyl, Robertson..."

Martin's got a point.

I'm sure he didn't forget his own heritage on purpose.

Important Things with Demetri Martin
Power - Creedocide
comedycentral.com

Big Box and Maru

This made me smile and smile. I have a Maru of my own... but Razzle has about 10 lbs on her.

Razzle in her lighter days:Maru:

Who wins?

Tulip vs. Iris:

Shiner vs. SNL:

Guess what? I don't care.

I know I may get raked over the coals for this, but I could give a c-rap that some guy on TV proposed to some girl and then took it back.

That's right, apparently I am the only person on Earth who does NOT watch The Bachelor.

Getting my mail last night... ladies taking about The Bachelor. Flipping through the channels this morning... Kidd and Kelly talking about The Bachelor. Just now in the teacher workroom... teachers talking about The Bachelor.

So finally I had to ask. "Some guy asked a girl to marry him and then took it back, right?"

"Yes, but like 6 weeks later! And then he asked the runner-up!!!"

Ok, that is pretty c-rappy. But do we need to discuss it like the moral fiber of our nation rests upon it? IT'S A TELEVISION SHOW. Go text-vote for Idol and leave our nation to the rest of us, winners.

By the way, anyone who asks me today if I know who the "new Bachelorette" is gets punched square in the face. I have bigger fish to fry.

Mmmm, Wendy's...

Yep.

Jokes.com

Jen's Revenge - This Sucks

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Kill me.

Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images

Wow! What a great Super Bowl, huh?!?

I HAVE NO FRIGGIN' IDEA!!! Thanks, Charter Cable.

It's not really Charter's fault. I'm pretty sure I missed a bill (or 7.) My cable has been on the fritz for a week now, but I have been so ridiculously involved in my current freelance graphic design project that I haven't done anything about it. I didn't have time to sleep this week, much less watch TV.

Besides, I was just going to head to a friend's house to watch the game, right?

Wrong.

I like how I made the executive decision to skip the Super Bowl this year for the first time... ever, I believe. My reasoning?

"I'm tired. Plus the Super Bowl is always a blow-out, anyway."

Really?

Kill me. KILL ME! And bless Kurt Warner's beautiful heart.

Half Ton Gato

Razzle

I've been watching the TLC Half Ton marathon for the past couple of hours... because nothing cures nausea from a New Year's hangover like watching 60 lbs get lanced off some fat kid's abdomen.

If you're not familiar with the Half Ton series, it follows "super" obese people, their struggle with weight, their eventual gastric bypass surgery, and their varying levels of success. "Super" obese people are heavier than the "morbidly" obese- meaning these men, women, and children weigh up to 1,000 lbs... quite literally a half ton each.

The Half Ton episode that impacted me this evening was Half Ton Teen, the story of a 19 year-old boy named Billy who weighed over 800 lbs. His extreme weight at such a young age was alarming enough, but what really broke the camel's back (so to speak) was his relationship with his mother. This woman coddled and spoiled her child like nothing I have ever seen, and I watch The Real Housewives of Orange County. I think we can all agree that most parents spoil their children because they love them and want the best for them, but with all the excess, parents who spoil are harming their children. It makes me sick and it makes me sad... and it leads me to judge.

Which brings me to Razzle.

In 2006 I adopted Razzle from the Coppell Humane Society. She was a member of the "Lonely Hearts Club", which is a nice way of saying nobody wanted her. Razzle gets along with other cats pretty well- she's just afraid of people. She's practically feral.

You know what she's not afraid of? Food. Razzle must weigh 20 lbs. I don't know for certain because there's no picking that animal up. I'm nursing a wound to my palm (stigmata?) for trying. Her brother, who eats the same low-calorie cat food, weighs a healthy 12 lbs.

Razzle is what the vet calls a "snacker." She visits the food bowl multiple times a day- after getting petted, after using the litter box, after taking a nap. My cat is constantly eating. To combat this, my vet advised I put the bowl down for only 10 minutes, twice daily. At first the cats won't understand, but once they get hungry they will learn to eat what they need for the day or night in 10 minute's time.

I've tried this before and it seemed to be working. So how did Razzle fall off the wagon?

Her momma.

See, the fact of the matter is- it's simply easier to put down that bowl and be done with it, just like it's easier for "Half Ton" Billy's mother to drive through Burger King instead of prepare him a healthy meal. And as much as it pains me to hear Razzle meow constantly for food, it must be infinitely more difficult for Billy's mother to deny her child... even if that is what's needed to save his life.

I need to go put up cat bowl.

Daryl Reaugh, you're my hero.

Here's me and Razor a few years back. He's dressed as Herb Brooks.
If you don't know who Herb Brooks is, you're a Communist.

I'm watching my first Stars game of the season. I know, I know, but the hockey season is long, and I have been distracted by pigskin. I see I haven't missed much, as the Stars have just now made it to 500. Great, yet another Dallas team to disappoint. Story of my life.

You know who never disappoints? The Stars' color commentator, Daryl "Razor" Reaugh. Razor's that 6'4" hunk of Canadian hilariousness you see in the picture above. He's a retired NHL goaltender, the peanut butter to Ralph Strangis' jelly, a regular on the little Ticket, and the reason I just spit coffee all over my keyboard.

Razor: [about Marty Turco] "You play against the Sharks and you're a net minder... and if you're leaning toward the diminutive side, you better be on your toes like a dwarf at a urinal to be able to see that puck through traffic... and he has been tonight."

Strangis: "Well there's a metaphor we don't hear every night."

[pause]

Strangis: "I guess it's a simile."

Very good, Ralph. What Razor said was in fact a simile. It was also genius.

LARCENY!

It's like a train wreck. (updated)

I don't watch "reality" TV. I DON'T. The only reality show I watch is Intervention, and if you knew more about me and my family, you'd understand that Intervention is less about reality and more about therapy. But I digress.

Again, I don't watch reality TV... but right now I am watching a The Real Housewives of Orange County marathon. Here's why.

It all started in 2005 with Big Brother 6. A friend from art school was a housemate. I had to watch, right?

Meet Jennifer:

Then there was The Apprentice 5. A friend from college was eventually fired. I had to watch, right?

Meet Roxanne:

Then there was The Bachelor: Paris. A sorority sister was a bachelorette. I had to watch, right?

Meet Cortney:

Now a girl I knew in college is the new housewife in Orange County. I have to watch, right?

Meet Gretchen:

Of course, the answer to all these questions is, "No." I don't have to watch. But it's like a train wreck...

My Movie Top 5

I'm going to watch a lot of movies over the holidays. I can already tell. One weekend down and I am already through my TiVo and watching live TV for the first time in months. I don't care much for live TV; I can't fast forward through the commercials. Or the Cowboy loss.

Tonight I watched The Jacket for the second time, and it got me thinking. Not about the movie- about Adrien Brody. He's hot. Like, crazy hot. And I know many of you are going to disagree that he deserves a spot, but he is totally in my Movie Top 5.

So while I'm waiting for my NyQuil to kick in, here's my list. These are CURRENT actors, mind you. Not old-school Cary Grant, and not characters. Actors.

5. Ryan Phillipe
Come on... look at that face. LOOK at that face.

4. Matt Damon
I have liked Matt Damon ever since he was that weasel in School Ties who turned on Brendan Fraser for being Jewish. (Speaking of, remember when Brendan Fraser was hot? Yeah, me neither.)

3. Joaquin Phoenix
It pains me to put Joaquin in the middle of the pack, but since he's "retired" and all...
After Space Camp JP didn't really peak my interest until Gladiator where he played that weasel Commodus. (What's my attraction to the antagonists about?)

2. Adrien Brody
I've heard people say he looks like an anteater. I don't care. The guy can act. Did you see The Pianist? Plus there's something about his eyes... or eyebrows. He always looks so introspective. And attractive.

1. Ewan McGregor
He's the only man I've seen other than Sean Connery who can pull off a kilt. He has a William Wallace accent, is Obi-Wan, and oh yeah... also sang for 2 hours straight in Moulin Rogue!
Done, done, and done!