Dolvett's Wisdom

Dolvett, one of the trainers on "The Biggest Loser," just blew my mind.

There is a woman on the show named Gina who constantly worries she's going to be kicked off the Ranch. It's half-way through the show and she's still there, but she continues to be fearful because she is the oldest, the smallest, etc., etc., etc....

Dolvett pulls her aside and says, "The worry is bigger than the joy. Look out there." He points to the other contestants and reminds her of her success by being the oldest contestant left. Then he says, "You have nothing to worry about but the stuff you create," and points to his head. "Gina has a very bad habit of coming from a negative place."

Yep, me too.

I have an anxiety disorder. I take medication for it. It helps. Still, I worry all the time. All. The. Time. And when I really don't have anything to worry about, I make stuff up.

For example, I owe two customers paintings. I've taken much longer than I originally planned to finish them, and they're still not complete. While both customers have been overly generous in giving me more time, I worry about their feelings every day. I imagine my customers are secretly very disappointed in me. While I'm confident in my work, I imagine them not wanting to pay for the final product because it took too long. I imagine them bad-mouthing me to their friends and regretting hiring me in the first place.

Do you know what my customers are actually doing? What we all are- trying to pay the bills, put food on the table, and take care of the kids.


You have nothing to worry about except what you create in your mind.


My apartment is messy, I imagine my fiance coming in town to surprise me. I haven't heard from my professor, I imagine she is taking extra time to criticize my work. I come in a few minutes late, I imagine all my co-workers shooting me looks and talking behind my back.


The worry is bigger than the joy. And that's just ridiculous.

I'm getting married. I'm completing my assignments. I have a job. Now I just need to listen to Dolvett more often.

Juice Fast Day Three: The End?

I broke my fast last night by having some grapes... then a couple of vegan Boca Burger patties. Oh well, so much for easing back in to solid foods. Today (end of day 3, start of day 4) I had a mix of juicing and soup. My stomach was fine, but tomorrow I have a party to attend so I am sure all hell will break loose. We'll see.

For anyone who is thinking about starting a juice fast, here are some thoughts:

• Buy a quality juicer. I found mine at Best Buy for $100.
• Buy as much organic produce as you can and wash everything thoroughly.
• Plan to make a mess when you first start out. Period. I had parsley flying everywhere and juiced twice without the cup in place.
• Believe it or not, you can add lemon, lime, salt and/or pepper to almost every juice to make it more palatable.
• After juicing you will have lots of pulp- perfect for the compost bin!
• And, most importantly... If you want to stay out of the bathroom, ease into a fast by having juices once a day, then twice, and so on. If you can, schedule your first full day of juice fasting when you will be at home. Preferably alone. 

Overall I'm really glad I tried this fast. I learned a lot, and now I have an excellent juicer and ideas for recipes. I definitely plan to incorporate juicing into my diet, especially green ones.

I lost a few inches from my waist but those may come back with water weight. Still, I really think this is what I needed to jump-start some healthy eating habits and more weight loss before school starts... since we all know how things tend to fly out the window when school starts...

Juice Fast: Day Two

48+ hours into my juice fast and I am definitely more hungry than yesterday. I had some broth, so that was kind of like eating soup. Kind of.

Today I looked decent in a bikini (what?!?) and discovered I don't like fennel. It tastes like licorice.

I'm not sure if I'm going to make it 72 hours. I may add raw fruits/vegetables tomorrow. We'll see.

Kthanksbye!

Juice Fast: Day One

Ok, so it's been 24 hours since I started my 3-day trek of eating (drinking) nothing but the juice of raw fruits and vegetables. I was inspired to juice after watching Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead on Netflix. Not surprisingly, I was also inspired to purchase a juicer like the one in the film. :)

Breville Juice Fountain Compact

I have to say the machine is amazing. Ridiculously powerful and really easy to clean. Very happy with the purchase.

Anyway, yesterday I went to Sprouts and spent $50+ on produce for the next three days. That is insane for me; $50 usually lasts a week. And to be honest, money will probably be the reason I don't continue the fast longer. The recipes I am following are from Reboot Your Life.

My first juice was made primarily from kale and tasted like eating a salad. I suffered through it. My second was made from sweet potato & beets- I really enjoyed that one. My third had too much cucumber. I'm learning. I'm also making a mess.

All day yesterday and this morning I had no real side effects. I'd heard stories about people not being able to leave the house because of all the "cleansing." I figured because I had been eating a primarily vegan diet my stomach would be used to all this.

Um, no.

I won't get into the details (you're welcome) but let's just say I'm glad I don't have any errands to run today. Surely it will be better tomorrow.

Otherwise I feel great and very, VERY full. The plan I'm on offers five recipes a day... I think three is my limit. Each recipe yields around two full pints (32 oz) of juice. 

Ok, back tomorrow. Bye!

I don't want to do this anymore.

Rant:

I don't want to do this anymore. And I don't have to. It's not my job. My graduate advisor can't "fire" me. I don't have to write the 10 page prospectus about the 30 page final project I will complete yet don't have to complete. I will not lose my job if I don't finish my master's degree. I will certainly not lose my life. And you have to know if I quit I will gain time and money, two things that are very precious to me that I presently severely lack.

I want to quit. Surely 36 hours toward a master's degree on a résumé is just as good as a master's degree. Or–highly more likely–it will be seen by future employers as a clue someone doesn't finish what she's started. Plus, whether I finish or not, I've still got these things called student loans...

But what about the raise I will get? Oh, you mean the $900 more a year? Yes, that's definitely worth the constant anxiety that I won't finish my prospectus for yet another semester and will have to fork out another $1000 and push my graduation date back. Again. Or the inability to really enjoy my summer because I feel I should constantly be working on my prospectus. Or the fear of the fall semester because I know I will once again be balancing work and school along with everything else in my life.

I started this degree because I wanted to show future employers I was serious about my career change into education. Now with 36 graduate hours in education and 3 years teaching under my belt I feel confident my principal understands I'm here to stay. Yet here I am, slowly trying to complete this thing. It's taking a lot longer than I expected.

I know I have to finish. I've put all together too much time and effort and money into this to quit without a degree. I get it. I just don't have to enjoy it right now.

Update: I completed my prospectus and it was approved by all committee members. The final step is one last (huge) project and I graduate!

Wants vs. Needs

What I WANT to do this summer:

1. Create themed art
2. Blog
3. Get a little tan
4. Keep a mani/pedi
5. Learn how to play tennis

What I NEED to do this summer:

1. Finish four (possibly five) commissioned portraits
2. Finish my prospectus
3. Write my final paper
4. Lose weight
5. Clean/organize my apartment

How great would it be if I could do all ten?!? We shall see. I have 74 days. 

10 years ago today

I cannot believe what happened today. It still feels like some elaborate joke. Terrorists hijacked 4 planes in the US. 2 planes hit the world trade towers in New York City, 1 plane crashed into the Pentagon in Washington D.C., and one other plane crashed in a forest in Pennsylvania. That plane may have been headed for the White House or the Capitol, but CNN isn't sure right now.

I can't believe this. It is too surreal. I don't know whether to throw up or cry. When I was watching the plane hit the tower over and over again, I felt like I was witnessing the end of the world or the start of the apocalypse. It's so scary and I really don't know how to describe it. CNN said that over 50,000 people work at the Trade Center. Did all of those people die? What is going on?!?

I wish I was at home or at least didn't have to go to work tomorrow so I could stay up and watch CNN all night. Is this the start of WWIII?

Before I came here I used to think about what would happen if there was a world war and I was over here. Now is it going to come true? I feel so guilty about now being in the US right now. I just want to go home.

-from my Slovakia journal on September 11, 2001.

The Next New Thing

Alright, so a few weeks ago it was Dr. Amen. Today it's P90X.

Here's the thing. I understand how to lose weight... I think most everyone does. We all need to eat less and move more. But if it were really that simple America would not be caught up in an obesity epidemic. And we are, people. We're fat and we're getting fatter.

So how did I get sucked into the P90X cult? Well, I met a new friend who is a Beachbody Coach. I intentionally set my mind against wanting to sign up for anything he was selling because I wanted to be his friend, not his client. Plus, I'm stubborn like that. No, I haven't read the Harry Potter series and I refuse to in the future... just because everyone else has and I don't want to be like everybody else.

The thing is, my friend never tried to sell me anything. It was me who asked all the questions, wanted to know what he ate, how often he worked out. I guess my subconscious was telling me I didn't have all the answers, that the 7lbs I had lost in 6 months isn't the pace I wanted, and that there might be something to this after all. So I bought into it. Literally- bought. Not. Cheap.

The package came today and I will start my 90 day journey tomorrow. I will work out every day for 90 days (the one rest day per week I will be doing a stretch work out.) I will eat 1800 cals a day, but burn off about 600 per workout, so my net cals will be 1200 like usual. I ordered a shake program to have for breakfast each day, and it is supposed to have a lot of great benefits other than losing weight. I'm hoping it aids in digestion like it claims. (Anyone who has had his/her gallbladder removed knows how iffy digestion can be afterward.) I took "before" photos in my bikini that I will never ever show anyone ever ever. I also put up my scale; I'm not weighing myself again for 30 days.

The reason I am excited about this program is that I know it will be a challenge. Everyone I have talked to says it is hard as hell. But looking back in the past when I have lost a lot of weight, this is exactly what I needed. In high school I maintained because I had soccer practice 4 times a week and games on Friday. (For those of you who don't know, the average player runs anywhere from 4 to 10 miles a game.) When I was in Slovakia (other than walking everywhere) I took pilates for an hour two times a week and dropped 30 lbs. About 5 years ago I hired a trainer who made me cry and dropped the 30 lbs I had gained back after Slovakia. Now it's time to drop the 30 lbs I gained back after the trainer.

There's a community to this as well, and once school starts I will be working out with other Club Beachbody peeps in The Colony. So the support is in place... now all I have to do is press play.

Night Eating Syndrome

I finally have a name for what has been plaguing me since college! Night Eating Syndrome.

I know this must sound funny- just stop eating at night- but it's not that simple. I don't just eat at night. I wake up in the middle of the night- STARVING- and I feel like I can't go back to sleep until I eat something. I try to eat healthily when I get up, but unfortunately all I crave are carbs. This syndrome is the number one reason why I don't keep cereal in the house; I will wake up and have a bowl (or two) every night. I know because it happened for almost a straight year in college.

I woke up and ate again last night, and after seeing a gain on my scale after working out twice a day for a week, I just about gave up. But then I realized even though I had been keeping my net calories to (around) 1200 a day and logging everything I ate, I hadn't really been logging what I ate in the middle of the night.

To give you an example, early this morning I ate three corn tortillas with margarine and jam... 372 calories worth. Add the 3 scrambled eggs I ate at 2am before I went to bed, and half of my daily calories are gone before I woke up for the day. No wonder I'm not losing weight... not to mention what this disorder is doing to my quality of sleep.

I went online and found some ideas on how to hopefully curb this: Make sure to eat breakfast, limit caffeine and alcohol, schedule specific times for meals and snacks, and try to talk yourself out of getting out of bed. Breathing exercises... all that. I'll be taking melatonin, too.

If you are not hungry in the mornings, can go almost all day without eating and then eat almost all your daily calories at/after dinner, you may have Night Eating Syndrome like me. It runs in families (my mom has it) and a large percent of sufferers also have some sort of anxiety/depression disorder (both mom and me.) It also comes out/worsens with stress... which is all of us.

For more info and a book, go to this CBS News link.

And if you or someone you know is dealing with this, please let me know!

Come paint with me at Michaels (Lewisville)

***If you know you want to take my class and you'd rather not read all this, simply call the Michaels Lewisville store at (972) 316-0837. Tell them you want to sign up for a painting class, and they'll hook you up! If you want more information, keep reading.***

This past spring an educational coordinator for Grumbacher sent an email asking if I would be interested in teaching painting classes at Michaels. I jumped on board because I am always looking for ways to make some extra money, plus I think exposing the community to art is essential if we want art education to remain in our public schools.

Tonight I taught my first class and had a really good time. I didn't have as much of a chance to fully complete the demonstration painting because I was so involved in helping everyone else, but this is it anyway:

Landscape Lesson Plan: "Live Oak Lane"

I've had a number of friends ask for more information about the classes, so here's the scoop.

Many Michaels stores around the country offer painting classes from a Grumbacher instructor. Grumbacher is an American art supply company that has been around since the early 1900's. I have Grumbacher oil paints from college that are still good and I still use (11 years later.) Quality stuff.

If you are interested in signing up for a painting class, go here to find a class by state and city. If you are looking for me, click on TX_Lewisville, hit search, and my schedule will pop up. You can then click on any of the classes to see the store address, phone number, curriculum, etc.

There are four categories offered- Floral, Landscape, Seascape, and Still Life- and multiple lesson plans for each category. I like to rotate through the categories and allow my students to pick which lesson to complete, but every instructor is different.

Once you have decided which class(es) you want to take, download the class syllabus from the same calendar page. The syllabus will have general information, class information, and a supply list. Take the syllabus to the Michaels store where your class is offered and an associate will help you find your supplies and sign you up for the class. The classes are $25 per person per class and the supplies are a one-time cost of $49.99. A Michaels 40% off coupon (found here or in the sunday paper) can be used to bring the cost of the supplies down to $29.99.

Here's what comes in the kit:

3 fl oz. tube Academy Acrylic Titanium White

3 fl oz. tube Academy Acrylic Cad Red Light

3 fl oz. tube Academy Acrylic Ultramarine Blue

3 fl oz. tube Academy Acrylic Cad Yellow Medium 014173351258

Bristlette Round #2 Brush

Bristlette Filbert #8 Brush

Grumbacher Small Painting Knife

MacPhersons 9x12 Canvas Board (2)

After that, you just show up! In two hours you will leave with a painting like these:

And again, if this seems like a lot, simply call the Michaels Lewisville store at (972) 316-0837. Tell them you want to sign up for a painting class, and they'll help you out. Feel free to ask questions (by commenting on this post) and I will get back to you. Children 7 and up are welcome, but a parent must be in the class at all times.

Come paint with me!

A couple of weeks later

I went ahead and cancelled my Amen subscription... not because I didn't think it was helpful, but because there is no way I'm paying $30 a month basically for a service I get already on CalorieKing. But I did learn a few things and have put them into place, so I thought I'd share.

1. Take your vitamins.

I do this already- I take a multivitamin- but I've supplemented it with more vitamin D. Some studies have shown a link to insufficient D levels and depression. Since I am already prone to depression and anxiety, I jumped on board. The specific pill I take mixes vitamin D with fish oil- which we all need- but I specifically need it because I have ridiculously dry skin/hair.

2. Slow down.

Tell a teacher to slow down when eating lunch and you're likely to get a spork in the eye. But now that it's summer, I really need to. I've been trying to take my time when it comes to food- observing it, noticing the colors and smells, chewing sufficiently, and putting my utensils down in-between bites. I also need to stop eating in front of the TV, but one thing at a time.

3. Step away from the computer.

The whole idea of Amen's program is to take care of your brain. Forget "This is your brain on drugs." Replace it with "This is your brain on computers/TV/your smart phone." Am I addicted to technology? I don't know, but I will tell you that I spend an EXORBITANT amount of time on my iPhone. I must check my e-mail, Facebook, and WWF 50 times a day... or more. (As a matter of fact, I'm going to tally tomorrow and see what the real number is.) Anyway, I am doing my best to limit my TV time. Computer will come next, then the phone. Baby steps.

4. Exercise.

Like, every day.

Every.

Day.

5. Sleep.

This is probably my favorite one. I love to sleep. While some people are ok with 6 or 7 hours sleep, I could easily sleep 13 hours a night, every night. I really think my needs are up around 9 hours, so I am making sure I get at least that. We'll see what happens when school starts.

There are others- mainly about what I am putting into my body. I am cooking with coconut oil instead of margarine. I'm eating organic. I've cut out almost all diet drinks, but I wasn't a big soda drinker anyway. I've discovered stevia, which is a plant that sweetens without jacking with a person's blood sugar. I try to eat a rainbow of colors every meal- berries for dessert to get in blue and purple- and I really like vanilla almond milk.

So, is it working? Have I lost a ton of weight? No, not yet, but I know I'm healthier when I put these things in place. It's all about taking better care of myself so that I can be better for others. :)

A New Journey

So, I'm starting on a new journey. Thanks, PBS midnight infomercial.

I had already read one of Dr. Amen's books, so seeing him on TV talking about weight intrigued me. The book I read (well, mostly read) was called, "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life." Amen's new book is "Change Your Brain, Change Your Body." I'm fascinated with the human brain and I've been trying to lose weight for, oh, about thirty years now, so of course I was hooked.

Now, this blog post is not a commercial for Amen. He's trying to sell you stuff just like the next guy. The site is full of supplements and books and memberships and whatnot. My $1 trial will only last until 2 weeks when they start charging me $30 a month to use the site.

BUT (and this is a big one) I have been preaching for years that a certain family member will not be able to beat his addiction without getting to the root of the problem. He has to change his thinking - change his brain - or he will continue with old habits. Yet, when it comes to my physical health, have I taken my own advice? Not in the slightest.

I know cognitive therapy works. I use it to fight my depression and anxiety. And that's basically the gist of Amen's program from what I can tell. Cognitive therapy, understanding nutrition, and keeping your brain healthy. That last part is what I am particularly excited about.

The site has all these games to train the brain. I've downloaded three to my iPhone already. If I am looking to kill time I would much rather do relaxation or memory exercises than play hanging with friends (sorry all the people I am playing hanging with- I'm losing anyway because apparently my brain sucks.)

Anyway, I am excited about this new journey. I saw my grandmother suffer from Alzheimers. I want to be able to teach my father how to train his brain and possibly prevent that. I want to be mentally capable my entire life. And if a hot body just happens to come with a healthy brain, I'll take it.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Children

This is going to be a serious post, so if you're looking for a laugh just click "education" over there on the right.

I will be 33 this summer and I have no children. Sometimes this makes me very, very sad.

When I was younger my mom told me a story. When my mom found out her mother was 29 when she had her first child, my mom said to herself, "There is no way I am going to be 29 when I have my first child." And she was right- she was 30 when she had me.

The moral of the story is never to tell God how he should direct your life. Still, when my mother told me this story I thought to myself, "Well, I'm different. I am definitely not going to be 30 when I have my first child." And again... I was right.

I refuse to tell my future children that story. And I sit and cringe when I hear my students planning out their lives. "I'll get married around 25 and start having kids at 27..." Yeah, I thought so, too. Life is rarely what you plan, kids.

My life is definitely not what I planned. I never thought I would be single, with no children, living in an apartment at 32. But I also never thought I would be a teacher who absolutely loves her job. I never thought I would have been a missionary to Slovakia of all places. I never thought I would get to travel throughout Europe and have so many international friends. I never thought God would bring me closer to him not by obeying rules or attending church but by relying on him in times of extreme pain, illness, and heartache. But he has. God has been faithful and has brought me through my life thus far.

So with that, I will trust that God has a plan for me. I will remember this every time another friend gets pregnant or has a child. God has a plan for me.

Keep Breathing

The storm is coming but i don't mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

Keep Breathing, Ingrid Michaelson, 2003

The Trash Room

Dear fellow neighbors at my apartment complex,

The trash room is for stepping into before throwing your trash down the chute. It is not a room for you to throw your trash, although I know the label on the door is confusing. What you are doing is equivalent to walking into the mail room and throwing your mail on the floor, expecting someone else to stick it in the mail slot. Your mail would never get mailed... however, magically, your trash does in fact make it down the chute. Maybe our rent wouldn't be so high if the complex didn't have to pay someone to clean up after you. Just a thought.

Love,

Ms. Nelson

Unprocrastination day

Today is my unprocrastination day. It is the day where I will attempt to accomplish all those things I have procrastinated doing over the EIGHT other days of spring break. Blogging was not in the day, but I refuse to call blogging procrastinating. My lunch is cooking, so this is multi-tasking. :)

The idea of unprocrastination day came from the April issue of Real Simple, my most favorite magazine in the entire universe. The bf got me a subscription for Christmas because he loves me and listens to me... when I complain about not getting the magazine from my secret santa at work when I SPECIFICALLY wrote it on the sheet and underlined it. Twice. But I digress.

Anyway, I have scheduled my entire day. And while the list of tasks I have seems daunting (at least to me), when looking it over I realized all these tasks mean I am immensely blessed.

Going to church means I live in a country where I am free to worship the god I choose.

Washing dishes means I have food to eat.

Having an electric diswasher wash them for me is just ridiculous.

Washing multiple loads of laundry means I have plenty of clothes to wear.

Researching for my graduate paper means I have an education.

Grading papers and writing lesson plans means I have a job.

Paying rent and putting in a service request means I have a place to live and people to help me keep up my home.

Taking out the disgusting, smelly cat litter means I have two animals who I love and sometimes love me back.

It also means I have the money to take care of two animals.

Painting a portrait of a dog means that people think I am talented enough... to pay me to paint their dog.

Preparing a print of one of my latest works means someone wants to own my art.

My to-do list means I'm blessed.

5 Hobbies in a Hat

I don't talk a lot about my boyfriend on here (intentionally) but he really is very good for me. Something he suggested earlier (along with blowing up the TV) really stuck with me.

Aaron was curious what would happen if I took a week and, instead of watching TV, I took that time and really threw myself into something. He asked me if there was something I have never tried before that I really wanted to do. Well, not that I can think of... but there are things I used to do that I have been putting on the back burner.

Because of this, Aaron suggested I write down 5 of my long-lost hobbies and put them in a hat. I will pick one and then for the next week I will focus all my free time on that hobby. No TV. Probably no Facebook. Limited Words with Friends.

Ok, so my 5 "hobbies" are: Creating my own art, working out, scrapbooking, reading, and organizing my living space. Sure, you can say working out and organizing really aren't hobbies, but I need both! Blogging is a hobby, too, but I've been doing well with it this year.

And the winner is...

Reading! It's going to be a peaceful week. :)

I'm blowing up my TV.

It all started with a statement from my boyfriend. "I just wonder what would happen if you blew up your TV."

We were talking today and he mentioned (like he has a few times before) it concerns him I don't seem to have a hobby. Sure, I paint, but I am always doing that either for a class or because I've been commissioned. I don't work on my own art. I like to read but I never do except for my Bible a little before bed. I scrapbook but my supplies have been in the closet for years. I like to sing but I'm not in a choir anymore. I actually would like to get my apartment organized and get in shape but I can't seem to find the time.

Well, God dropped plenty of time into my lap this week (4 snow days to be exact) and do you know what I did with them? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I sat on my couch and watched TV. Not what was on the TiVo... no, I got through that in half a day. I watched LIVE TV. The kind where you can't fast forward through the commercials. I never do that. But given 4 days inside that is exactly what I did.

Here are the things I needed to do: Take down Christmas decorations, clean apartment, wash laundry, wash dishes, finish a painting, start another painting, write lesson plans, and research topics for my Master's paper.

I took down my tree and washed some clothes and dishes. Oh, and I baked a cake.

So today when Aaron made his comment I could not be more on board. I'm starting tonight. I don't care that it's the Super Bowl and that it's in town. The Cowboys aren't playing and the best commercials are always online the next day anyway. My TiVo will catch Glee. I have work to do.

Skripper

I learned a new word last week.

The #1 reason to remove all receipts before bringing bags to school for the students' clay project:

Before you ask, yes, a student found it. I threw the entire staff under the bus and said all the teachers had donated bags. Then I reminded the students that most of the staff are married... and they are being responsible adults by protecting themselves.