Juice Fast: Day Two

48+ hours into my juice fast and I am definitely more hungry than yesterday. I had some broth, so that was kind of like eating soup. Kind of.

Today I looked decent in a bikini (what?!?) and discovered I don't like fennel. It tastes like licorice.

I'm not sure if I'm going to make it 72 hours. I may add raw fruits/vegetables tomorrow. We'll see.

Kthanksbye!

Juice Fast: Day One

Ok, so it's been 24 hours since I started my 3-day trek of eating (drinking) nothing but the juice of raw fruits and vegetables. I was inspired to juice after watching Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead on Netflix. Not surprisingly, I was also inspired to purchase a juicer like the one in the film. :)

Breville Juice Fountain Compact

I have to say the machine is amazing. Ridiculously powerful and really easy to clean. Very happy with the purchase.

Anyway, yesterday I went to Sprouts and spent $50+ on produce for the next three days. That is insane for me; $50 usually lasts a week. And to be honest, money will probably be the reason I don't continue the fast longer. The recipes I am following are from Reboot Your Life.

My first juice was made primarily from kale and tasted like eating a salad. I suffered through it. My second was made from sweet potato & beets- I really enjoyed that one. My third had too much cucumber. I'm learning. I'm also making a mess.

All day yesterday and this morning I had no real side effects. I'd heard stories about people not being able to leave the house because of all the "cleansing." I figured because I had been eating a primarily vegan diet my stomach would be used to all this.

Um, no.

I won't get into the details (you're welcome) but let's just say I'm glad I don't have any errands to run today. Surely it will be better tomorrow.

Otherwise I feel great and very, VERY full. The plan I'm on offers five recipes a day... I think three is my limit. Each recipe yields around two full pints (32 oz) of juice. 

Ok, back tomorrow. Bye!

I don't want to do this anymore.

Rant:

I don't want to do this anymore. And I don't have to. It's not my job. My graduate advisor can't "fire" me. I don't have to write the 10 page prospectus about the 30 page final project I will complete yet don't have to complete. I will not lose my job if I don't finish my master's degree. I will certainly not lose my life. And you have to know if I quit I will gain time and money, two things that are very precious to me that I presently severely lack.

I want to quit. Surely 36 hours toward a master's degree on a résumé is just as good as a master's degree. Or–highly more likely–it will be seen by future employers as a clue someone doesn't finish what she's started. Plus, whether I finish or not, I've still got these things called student loans...

But what about the raise I will get? Oh, you mean the $900 more a year? Yes, that's definitely worth the constant anxiety that I won't finish my prospectus for yet another semester and will have to fork out another $1000 and push my graduation date back. Again. Or the inability to really enjoy my summer because I feel I should constantly be working on my prospectus. Or the fear of the fall semester because I know I will once again be balancing work and school along with everything else in my life.

I started this degree because I wanted to show future employers I was serious about my career change into education. Now with 36 graduate hours in education and 3 years teaching under my belt I feel confident my principal understands I'm here to stay. Yet here I am, slowly trying to complete this thing. It's taking a lot longer than I expected.

I know I have to finish. I've put all together too much time and effort and money into this to quit without a degree. I get it. I just don't have to enjoy it right now.

Update: I completed my prospectus and it was approved by all committee members. The final step is one last (huge) project and I graduate!

Wants vs. Needs

What I WANT to do this summer:

1. Create themed art
2. Blog
3. Get a little tan
4. Keep a mani/pedi
5. Learn how to play tennis

What I NEED to do this summer:

1. Finish four (possibly five) commissioned portraits
2. Finish my prospectus
3. Write my final paper
4. Lose weight
5. Clean/organize my apartment

How great would it be if I could do all ten?!? We shall see. I have 74 days. 

10 years ago today

I cannot believe what happened today. It still feels like some elaborate joke. Terrorists hijacked 4 planes in the US. 2 planes hit the world trade towers in New York City, 1 plane crashed into the Pentagon in Washington D.C., and one other plane crashed in a forest in Pennsylvania. That plane may have been headed for the White House or the Capitol, but CNN isn't sure right now.

I can't believe this. It is too surreal. I don't know whether to throw up or cry. When I was watching the plane hit the tower over and over again, I felt like I was witnessing the end of the world or the start of the apocalypse. It's so scary and I really don't know how to describe it. CNN said that over 50,000 people work at the Trade Center. Did all of those people die? What is going on?!?

I wish I was at home or at least didn't have to go to work tomorrow so I could stay up and watch CNN all night. Is this the start of WWIII?

Before I came here I used to think about what would happen if there was a world war and I was over here. Now is it going to come true? I feel so guilty about now being in the US right now. I just want to go home.

-from my Slovakia journal on September 11, 2001.

The Next New Thing

Alright, so a few weeks ago it was Dr. Amen. Today it's P90X.

Here's the thing. I understand how to lose weight... I think most everyone does. We all need to eat less and move more. But if it were really that simple America would not be caught up in an obesity epidemic. And we are, people. We're fat and we're getting fatter.

So how did I get sucked into the P90X cult? Well, I met a new friend who is a Beachbody Coach. I intentionally set my mind against wanting to sign up for anything he was selling because I wanted to be his friend, not his client. Plus, I'm stubborn like that. No, I haven't read the Harry Potter series and I refuse to in the future... just because everyone else has and I don't want to be like everybody else.

The thing is, my friend never tried to sell me anything. It was me who asked all the questions, wanted to know what he ate, how often he worked out. I guess my subconscious was telling me I didn't have all the answers, that the 7lbs I had lost in 6 months isn't the pace I wanted, and that there might be something to this after all. So I bought into it. Literally- bought. Not. Cheap.

The package came today and I will start my 90 day journey tomorrow. I will work out every day for 90 days (the one rest day per week I will be doing a stretch work out.) I will eat 1800 cals a day, but burn off about 600 per workout, so my net cals will be 1200 like usual. I ordered a shake program to have for breakfast each day, and it is supposed to have a lot of great benefits other than losing weight. I'm hoping it aids in digestion like it claims. (Anyone who has had his/her gallbladder removed knows how iffy digestion can be afterward.) I took "before" photos in my bikini that I will never ever show anyone ever ever. I also put up my scale; I'm not weighing myself again for 30 days.

The reason I am excited about this program is that I know it will be a challenge. Everyone I have talked to says it is hard as hell. But looking back in the past when I have lost a lot of weight, this is exactly what I needed. In high school I maintained because I had soccer practice 4 times a week and games on Friday. (For those of you who don't know, the average player runs anywhere from 4 to 10 miles a game.) When I was in Slovakia (other than walking everywhere) I took pilates for an hour two times a week and dropped 30 lbs. About 5 years ago I hired a trainer who made me cry and dropped the 30 lbs I had gained back after Slovakia. Now it's time to drop the 30 lbs I gained back after the trainer.

There's a community to this as well, and once school starts I will be working out with other Club Beachbody peeps in The Colony. So the support is in place... now all I have to do is press play.

Night Eating Syndrome

I finally have a name for what has been plaguing me since college! Night Eating Syndrome.

I know this must sound funny- just stop eating at night- but it's not that simple. I don't just eat at night. I wake up in the middle of the night- STARVING- and I feel like I can't go back to sleep until I eat something. I try to eat healthily when I get up, but unfortunately all I crave are carbs. This syndrome is the number one reason why I don't keep cereal in the house; I will wake up and have a bowl (or two) every night. I know because it happened for almost a straight year in college.

I woke up and ate again last night, and after seeing a gain on my scale after working out twice a day for a week, I just about gave up. But then I realized even though I had been keeping my net calories to (around) 1200 a day and logging everything I ate, I hadn't really been logging what I ate in the middle of the night.

To give you an example, early this morning I ate three corn tortillas with margarine and jam... 372 calories worth. Add the 3 scrambled eggs I ate at 2am before I went to bed, and half of my daily calories are gone before I woke up for the day. No wonder I'm not losing weight... not to mention what this disorder is doing to my quality of sleep.

I went online and found some ideas on how to hopefully curb this: Make sure to eat breakfast, limit caffeine and alcohol, schedule specific times for meals and snacks, and try to talk yourself out of getting out of bed. Breathing exercises... all that. I'll be taking melatonin, too.

If you are not hungry in the mornings, can go almost all day without eating and then eat almost all your daily calories at/after dinner, you may have Night Eating Syndrome like me. It runs in families (my mom has it) and a large percent of sufferers also have some sort of anxiety/depression disorder (both mom and me.) It also comes out/worsens with stress... which is all of us.

For more info and a book, go to this CBS News link.

And if you or someone you know is dealing with this, please let me know!