What I thought I wanted... what I got instead.

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said

Staring in the water like Aesop's foolish dog
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

If you haven't heard, today the Dallas Independent School District will lay off approximately 460 teachers because of what the Superintendent calls an "accounting error"... an $84 Million accounting error. And while I in no way want to take away from the anxiety, anger, or fear these teachers are experiencing... today I am grateful.

Some of you know that this summer I was VERY frustrated with Dallas ISD. Every day I would look at their job openings, and every day there would either be one more or one less art teacher position available. But every day a roadblock stood in the way. Stamped above these openings read: These positions are for DISD released/deployed teachers only. At one time there were 10 positions available, yet I couldn't apply for any because of a "hiring freeze." Now I understand why.

Today I slept in to assure I could stay out of the doctor's office. The good thing about being a substitute teacher is you can pick the days you work. A bad thing is not having health insurance. When I woke up a few hours ago (that's right) I had Sara Groves' song, What I Thought I Wanted, stuck in my head. I knew the layoffs were today, and this song fits my feelings about it, and my life, perfectly.

I am sure at least once we have all wanted something we didn't get. Maybe we even prayed for it, begged for it, cried over it, lost sleep over it. Maybe we still want it. Or maybe we were given something 84 Million times better, and we look back and thank God that His will was done and not ours.

My prayer for the teachers who lose their jobs today is that God will soon show them exactly how He is working for their good. Because whether you can see it now, He is. Had I accepted that marriage proposal 10 years ago, I would be a divorced mother of 3 right now.