Exactly.

A bouquet of roses may be quite continental...

...but tulips are a girl's best friend.

Back to school... back to school...

As of now I am enrolled in 9 graduate hours at Texas Woman's University in pursuit of my Masters in Art Education. I use the term "as of now" because TWU has yet to process my financial aid application (classes started 4 days ago), and if I don't get aid, well, I don't get to continue. It's that simple.

Still, I'm trying not to think of that and am trucking along... subbing, freelance designing, and studying. Where does sleep fit into that equation? Well, new boyfriend > sleep. So, it doesn't.

Here is my first assignment in Art 5333: Individual Differences.

"Now let us look at your first assignment: your 300 word assignment needs to be introspective, about yourself, your differences. For instance, when driving I do not follow maps well, I am very visual so I use points of reference, a yellow house with red shutters on the corner is where I turn left, the field with the barn that needs paint is where I go straight. Another difference about me, it is easier for me to write my thoughts and concerns, when I am upset or angry, in order to communicate my ideas and thoughts effectively rather than speak. Your assignment is more about you being introspective about your differences, than your ideas or thoughts about special education. The focus is you and the wonderfully, created, special person you are."

Here's my go. It sounds more like a blog post than anything "introspective." Oops.

We’re all different. And since we’re all different, doesn’t that mean we all have something in common?

One of my first classroom memories invokes some anxiety about being different. I’m not sure what my first grade teacher was trying to reinforce – colors, maybe – but I remember she was calling us one by one to announce our hair and eye colors. Before my turn I heard, “Brown hair, brown eyes,” then, “Blonde hair, blue eyes.” When I said, “Blonde Hair, brown eyes,” my teacher corrected me.

“You mean blue, Carolyn.”
“No. I have brown eyes.”
“Oh, usually blonde girls have blue eyes.”

Really?

A year ago I once again mentioned my brown eye color only to be corrected by my boyfriend of the time. I have hazel eyes, and it disturbs me that I didn’t even notice they changed.

Like Jesus, I tell stories. Unlike Jesus' stories, they don’t always have a point.

I do believe, like Robin explained in her instructions, that I am a “wonderfully-created, special person.” I learned this at an early age in my paternal grandfather’s Primitive Baptist Blue Mound, Texas church. Growing up in a church doesn’t make me any different than the millions of other Christians around the world, but I doubt many had an experience like mine. Blue Mound Baptist had under 30 members, and we met in a small, one-room building. We called each other “Brother” and “Sister” and chose the hymns to sing each Sunday by yelling out their page numbers. There was no organ or piano, so I learned to read music by singing a cappella aside Brother and Sister Nelson.

Still, even with that experience, I have always been a member of the Lutheran church. My dad even became Lutheran. Traitor?

I’m “different” in other ways. My front tooth is fake. I’m ridiculously outgoing, yet suffer from an anxiety disorder. I can fit a six inch pickle in my mouth sideways. But when it comes down to it, I am more interested in finding out what I have in common with my fellow man than how we are different. There’s enough to separate us in this world without going to look for it, don’t you think?

So, what do you think?

For Aaron

Procrastination

I'll finish this post later.

It's been a rough couple of days.

I won't lie.

While I believe that God answers every prayer, one of the most difficult lessons to learn as a Christian is that sometimes God's answer is, "No."

I am blessed that I rarely get angry or upset with my Lord, no matter how He answers me. Of course, "Yes," is always the answer I prefer, then (ugh), "Wait," and lastly, "No." The way I see it, I may not understand God's will, but understanding is not my place. Who am I to question the wisdom of my Lord?

And while I do not question His will, I must be honest and admit that for the past two days I have been angry with Him. Like a nine year-old, I have been screaming, "NOT FAIR!" at the top of my lungs.

I don't think I am unique in my emotions. I think most people would be upset if put in my situation: I was shown something incredible - something I believed had unlimited potential - and then I was told I could not possess it.

Henry David Thoreau writes in Where I Lived and What I Lived For:

"... for a man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone."

Well, up until this point, by Thoreau's standards, I have been penniless; I am a planner, and I want my hands in everything. However, today I surrender.

It was no coincidence that today I subbed for a librarian. Because of this, I was able to think and read and meditate on my current situation- made possible through the generosity of another teacher. I asked whether this certain public school's library had a Bible (Yeah, right... what was I thinking? Thanks, State of Texas.) The teacher said no, but that she had a King James version "if that was alright" and she would be happy to bring it to me "for personal use." She had no way of knowing that my grandfather was a Primitive Baptist minister... that my grandmother until the day she died said grace with all the same "takeths" and "thees" and "thou arts," so much that King James is second nature to me. She didn't set this plan in motion. My Lord did.

I spent the morning reading 2 Corinthians in between helping students check in/out books. The Word of the Lord through Paul brought me encouragement.

2Cor 1:3-6
3Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
4Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2Cor 4:17-18
17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
18While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

And finally, through the Grace of God, I felt some peace. Today I am forever committing myself to a life of optimism, of love, of living. I no longer want to be this person who plans, who sets things in motion, and who has to know all the answers and outcomes before committing to something. Instead, I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.

Sing it, Derek.

Perfect Love

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says, 'No, not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

'I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me --exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings.

'I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.

'Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I have to show you.

'And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.

'And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.'"