Not Too Proud to Beg

Ok. Here's the deal:

I need a job teaching secondary art next year.

Here's another deal:

I'll go anywhere in North Texas.

I went to my first teacher job fair yesterday, and I have to say that I pleasantly surprised. A part of me expected to be shunned because I am getting my certification alternatively, but it wasn't that big of an issue for most districts. There were a few - one in particular - that flat-out told me they didn't hire non-certified teachers. But they were nice about it. And I was able to pass my résumé out to a lot of people... get a lot of cards/contact information and info on school district-specific job fairs. It was good.

Still, I know the drill. I applied online to 17 different school districts last year and only ended up with one - ONE - interview. Yes, I started late. No, I didn't have any substitute teaching experience at the time. But it concerns me because I am about to start the process all over again...

So.

If you, my gracious readers, know of any art teacher openings at the middle or high school levels, please let me know. My lease is up this Summer, so like I said, I'll go anywhere in the DFW Metromess.

E-mail me at designelson@yahoo.com.

Thanks. :)

What NOT to Say

Rated M for mature content.

Last month I had one of THOSE weeks... one where no matter what I said, it didn't come out right. It all started with a tornado drill:

[To freshman] "I know it's not fun being on your knees - it's painful when I kneel, too - but you need to suck it up."

Appalled at my error, I sent out an email to my fellow countrymen and got a few great responses:

[To fourth graders at recess] "What did you do? You kicked them on the roof? Now you don't have any balls to play with, do you?"

[To seventh graders in art class using clay] "Quit slapping it and playing with it and get to work."

After laughing hysterically and feeling better knowing I wasn't the only one, I took roll.

Anyone want to guess how "Hae Min" is NOT pronounced?

Who wants to marry a FAFSAire?

"So whaddya do this weekend, Carolyn?"

"Oh, I just sat at home and drank coffee... worked on a PowerPoint and an annotated bibliography, and was judged by the people at FAFSA. You know... same ol', same ol'."

Seriously. I don't think it's possible for an online form to make me feel MORE like a loser at 30.

I take that back. FAFSA has nothing on Match.com. (No, I'm not on Match.com... anymore.)

Need a laugh? How about taking a look at my answer to question 39:

How much did you earn from working (wages, salaries, tips, etc.) in 2008?

I'm not going to tell you the answer, but I'm pretty sure I qualify for welfare.

For those of you who aren't paying back a student loan from college, FAFSA is exactly that- Free Application for Federal Student Aid. And with my earnings, I don't understand why I'm not picked up in a limo each day and escorted by motorcade to class. I'm broke as all get out.

But apparently not everyone who applies for Federal Student Aid is in actual need of aid, hence this caveat to question 42:

Net worth means current value minus debt. If net worth is one million dollars or more, enter $999,999. If net worth is negative, enter 0.

Really? I am so sorry, millionaires, that the FAFSA people didn't leave enough space for all your zeros. I'm lucky that I only need one.

Livin' the dream.

Best One out of All

If paper covers rock...
Rock crushes scissors...
And scissors cuts paper...
Then what does love cover?

1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Guess what? I don't care.

I know I may get raked over the coals for this, but I could give a c-rap that some guy on TV proposed to some girl and then took it back.

That's right, apparently I am the only person on Earth who does NOT watch The Bachelor.

Getting my mail last night... ladies taking about The Bachelor. Flipping through the channels this morning... Kidd and Kelly talking about The Bachelor. Just now in the teacher workroom... teachers talking about The Bachelor.

So finally I had to ask. "Some guy asked a girl to marry him and then took it back, right?"

"Yes, but like 6 weeks later! And then he asked the runner-up!!!"

Ok, that is pretty c-rappy. But do we need to discuss it like the moral fiber of our nation rests upon it? IT'S A TELEVISION SHOW. Go text-vote for Idol and leave our nation to the rest of us, winners.

By the way, anyone who asks me today if I know who the "new Bachelorette" is gets punched square in the face. I have bigger fish to fry.

Mmmm, Wendy's...

A Healthier Me

So it's 7:18pm and I am drinking a Coke. A real one. How is this being healthier? I'll tell you:

It's not a glass (bottle) of wine.

I asked Mr. Wendy's for a Diet Coke, and I don't plan on drinking all 20-odd ounces of this one... but the Coke isn't the point. Point is that it is a Tuesday and I am finished with Junior League all week and my homework until Friday. I have two loads of laundry running. The trash is out. The TV is off, and even though I am still pretty sad and lonely and stressed...

I'm not drinking. It feels nice.

No, this isn't my blog where I come out as an alcoholic to all of you (denial is the first step?) This is the blog where I share that I am trying to be a "better" person. A healthier person. A person who finds other ways to deal with her emotions than drink them... or eat them.

Speaking of, have you guys tried the new fish sandwich from Wendy's? I mean, that red-headed brat apparently can't find the Diet Coke button, but she sure can fry up some cod.

Mmmm, fried fish. I'm feeling healthier already.

We got #1, y'all! Holla!

She's gonna go to Baylor... she's gonna go to Baylor! (Come on, sing it with me.)

K, so I'm watching the news last night, and on pops a highlight reel from Nimitz High School (Houston) with my girl Brittney Griner landing a two-handed dunk. Are you kidding me?

See, Brit's my girl because last time I was at a Baylor basketball game I saw her from 5 or 6 rows away. That's right- we're besties. She was small back then, though... only 6'7".

Anyway, it's been no secret that Griner would be a Lady Bear. She signed in November. I just wish more girls would look up to Brittney instead of Britney.